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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Whiles At The Store...

I feel as though I can get back to my blog abit more now...the heartache of loosing Hazzy is still present of course but time does heal and though I'll miss Hazel every single day like all the babies who have left us before her atleast now I can maneuver through a day without feeling hate and anger towards any normality. The suddenness of her leaving is still leaving me somewhat shocked and numb however, but the old adage of 'Time Heals' is indeed very true, I know this and will wait patiently for it and rely on it. So today, I am at my beautiful artist's collective Art On Main, all day long...I took a shift from another fellow artist to force myself out of the house and I do love being here, I feel better already. It's not just being surrounding by beautiful works of art that is cheering but the store itself just has a happy and easy vibe and I need that today, especially since a very annoying headache has been haunting me for 2 or 3 days now with a very sore left shoulder that's just pulling pulling pulling to aggravation...and also of course a deep ache in my tail bone area has set in too. I've been away from my yoga practice for much too long and these little pains reminds me so. So today I write this post from the counter of the store, Patricia Barber is playing...and with Hazel on my mind I choose this old rabbity image of mine to share today... Today whiles at the store, I am working on the final papercut. The series of 8 will be shown in the storefront window in October so those must be prepared and finished up. I am also happily working on sketches for new pieces for my quickly upcoming exhibition...which I've finally decided will be entitled "Woman's Work". As I sit here I am watching a small group of people looking at my coloured pencils and Nubbins in the window and pointing at this and that...oh..and they just came in the store...it's a good feeling to know that my work is bringing people into the store...and I am not just assuming that, I say so because I've been told it was so, ha ha....My heads not getting big or anything no worries! I don't know...as I ramble on I must confess that I somehow feel like Hazel is still with us and then there's strange things like Jinny never being a big eater before suddenly eating voraciously...like Hazel used to do. Or, Jaks suddenly digging and ripping up his boxes with happy abandon which never used to do but Hazel loved doing... maybe parts of her precious soul went into the remaining lovelies still gracing our warren...can that happen? I don't know but that's how I've been feeling. So it is almost lunchtime...I need to get this papercut done soon so that I can have atleast half my shift for sketching so I should get going. Thanks for those very few of you have expressed sorrow on our behalf...Jenn over at Kanna Glass in particular...Jenn your note made me teary and I know you understand my current state...thank you for taking time to reach out. Everyone else thanks for giving me space...because at times like these those who know me well know that I can't help but pull away and become very introverted...my best friend Judit for gently checking up on me every couple of days..and mostly thanks to my honey, your forever my rock and always helping to pull me out of the overwhelming tides. We've had 6 furry hearts leave us now, 5 of whom have died in my arms...it's not getting easier, I guess I shouldn't assume it would but boy oh boy it hits me hard and takes alot to get back to myself...and those that respect and love me most are the ones who accept my greiving process...because the rabbits are not 'like' our babies...they ARE our babies and I love the fact that as I get to know myself, as I get stronger, as I grow...I can see that the people who can't accept this part of me aren't people I need to closely associate with and that epiphany is worth its weight in gold... I leave you with my favourite Patricia Barber song "Snow"..enjoy...I am...Be Well and extra kind to your own tender hearts...

4 comments:

Jenn said...

Dear Mandie...I didn't expect to see you back so soon in blog-world! I was about to send you an email to see how you were doing.

First, I'm very excited about your success with the Art Collective. Your work is beautiful and it's so exciting to see you taking off!

Second, I'm still aching for your little Hazzy. I thought it was interesting you mentioning the other rabbits picking up habits where Hazel left off. There are things I particularly miss about Bijou, and when I think about some of them...Molly comes and does them...like digging on the couch or in her box, snuggling up next to me in bed, and coming to be held by me. Little sensitive animal souls!

Judit Gueth said...

I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better!
Love,
J.

Lori said...

I am so sorry for your loss. It is so heartbreaking to let go of a beloved animal. I wish you peace.

Jonathan said...

You are sooooo productive when you volunteer at the gallery. Hope the new toy increases that productivity a bit.