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Thursday, March 8, 2012

Adjustments, Honesty and Balance

I think I am FINALLY learning to accept and adjust
to the fact that my beloved girl, Ella Luna, is handicapped & won't get better...
and that I am spending more time with her and bunnies, than ever before.

Life feels like it has changed
Some days it feels like it's changed just alittle.
But most days it feels like it's changed alot.
I guess I wasn't expecting to feel such a shift,
since our whole daily routine has pretty much always been centered on the bunnies welfare,
and we have dealt with serious & long-term rabbit ailments before,
 but none have felt like this.

I know some people out there will be saying
'But, Mandy in the GRAND SCHEME of things this isn't a problem at all' or
'Don't take it all so seriously, it's just a rabbit after all'
(I've heard both in variation numerous times!)
But, we all have our own truths, paths and stories, none more important than the next really...
and well, to me, Ella Luna's leg troubles feel big & the circumstances feel demanding...
Adjusting and Juggling our new daily routines of living with a handicapped loved one,
who in this case also happens to be a rabbit...
hasn't been easy...

The biggest adjustment is just in seeing our loved one less than her perfect self
and having such a hard time...we feel helpless, desperate and frustrated
with ourselves because we simply feel like we should be able to fix her.
If I could take on that bum leg for her, I would in a split second.

It's also been affecting my studio time as well...
and time away from my work/studio never sits well with me.
Jonathan is helping me slowly realize that I am doing everything I possibly can
and that I can't be with her every minute of the day,
but still, there is a real push and pull tug of war going on within me,
For I find at the present time,  I can't feel good about being in my studio
when my little precious one, struggles to move around without my aid.
And, when I am in my studio & with my work, I find it tricky to switch gears
and get down to serious work because I just want to be with my girl.
Right now I am mostly sneaking in my art time during Ella Luna's sleepy times, ha ha.

This is where my honey would suggest I interject a big & honest
"Don't feel too bad for Ella"
because other than that bum leg, she's doing great.
She's healthy and happy and very well loved & hugged.
Some days, the leg even improves abit & she can get a few wonky hops in here and there...
Sometimes, we find her sitting up perfectly straight all on her own.

We do spend alot of time bathing her and than gently blow drying her nice and dry,
Because she can't stand/hop normally, she often pees on herself
and we can't have her getting 'urine' scald'...though if you could see her,
you'd be able to tell that she likes the
blow-drying/snuggling sessions very much....
and because of the way she drags herself,
the friction causes her fur to rub off in a few areas & some small sores to appear,
so we are staying on top of that with band-aids & creams & most of the fur is growing back already
.Just incase she has any discomfort, she is on anti-inflammatory meds twice daily, 12 hours apart...
and per doctors orders, needs plenty of daily physio (which she also seems to kinda enjoy)...

We find ourselves in a very awkward spot when it comes to
leaving the house for long periods, ugh...and we are admittedly missing our weekend getaways...
We wouldn't trade Ella Luna for a trip around the world.

Life is never static, and with change comes some unbalance, it's normal & healthy.
Life is a beautiful balancing act.
The struggle to adjust & to find time for everything is just part of the dance,
I know all this.
And despite any struggles this whole thing with Ella Luna presents,
The days are still steeped in goodness & beauty & I love that fact...
(living as a severe migraine sufferer, I learnt long ago to see beauty in the simplest of places)

Sometimes yes, things feel abit blurry and wobbly...
and we feel like we'll never adjust or find a way to fit everything in...
But, I think part of the beauty of the balancing act is to just allow oneself to surrender
to not being perfect & to allow ourselves to feel the overwhelm...
To not fight against what we know is the utmost important thing at the time being,
(for me, that's making sure my little fur-people are A-Okay)...
And than trusting that everything else will find it's time and place.
I know I'll find a balance if I don't fight against it.

So the current plan is to just keep snuggling & caring for all the bunnies,
Keep on giving Ella Luna every loving minute that she deserves and needs,
Create whatever art work I can during bunny nap times...
and to not be so hard on myself for whatever else may temporarily fall to the wayside.

Cheers Everyone,
To being able to gently and respectfully accept or own truths and stories, as well as those of others...

 to changes and being able to see the beauty despite the hardships...

and Cheers
to knowing balance will make a beautiful appearance if we just trust ourselves
& in the universe enough to let go, even just a little bit...

Thanks For Listening.
XO Mandy, Ella Luna & Roo


Lavender Rabbit said...

Lots of love to dear Ella Luna. Having now lived with a disabled bunny for three years I've learned my Coco doesn't think of herself as being impaired, it's just my thought of mind. It takes a lot of adjustment to come to terms with the change.
Many hugs, Donna

Natascha said...

I understand your pain as my Amazon parrot Murphy has cerosis of liver and I am the only one who can administer meds 2x per day. Will see this week if treeatnent is helping but its hard. I love her to death tho!

Aline said...

Our friend Mandy's dear words of wisdom that we ALL cherish and try to live by.... Merci Mandy for opening our eyes and our hearts to the simple joys and wonders around us that we tend to take for granted!

Snap said...

Lots of hugs to Ella Luna and you. Of course you want to care for her ... she's your furbaby ... member of the family ... part of you. You'll figure out the time you need for other things. Balance can be unbalanced sometimes, but it will work out. She is a very lucky bun.

samos said...

well put my friend. sending lots of hugs to you, ella luna and roo!
samos & the gang

Deyfenn Slayd said...

You are doing admirably well Bijou. Stay strong, and keep moving forward :-)

ps, nice shots of you and the monsters!

Lisa said...

I understand completely. I always wondered how people can say things like "it's just an animal" to someone like you or I who live for that animal. Today is the 10th anniversary of my beloved kitty's passing and I'll never stop hurting because of it. My friends used to actually laugh at me when he was sick, even if I was in tears, because he was FIV+ and dying of AIDS and for some reason, kitty AIDS was very, very funny to high school kids at the time. I've forgiven them but I will never, ever forget.