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Thursday, November 6, 2014

Colour and Pain: A Realization

I've been sitting her most days of the last 2 weeks
with a pounding head, an aching wrist and a throbbing knee.
I am feeling a bit like how Flynn looks in this photo, ha ha!
(that being said, isn't this such a cool photo of him, I think I'll have to do a pastel of this one soon!)
 
I've been thinking about how many people out there are SO lucky that they don't get migraines.
I've been thinking how I am lucky because I could be much worse off...
I could have more troubles...bigger troubles...
even though these migraines feel pretty big to deal with a lot of the time!!!
 
I've also just begun to realize the correlation between my art & the pain I deal with...
suddenly it's seeming very clear.
...
I love colour, period.
I've been told many times to calm down my palette!
but I know I could never do that because
my spirit just thrives and flourishes with colour.
colour is just part of my heart and soul...part of what makes me happy.
Colour is simply a part of what makes me me.
 
 
BUT, I am also realizing that my use of super bright colour in my work
is also a way for me, body & soul, to cope with all this pain that I have.
(and also is a way to leap over & look ahead from all of the bad happening in the world).
 
I woke up this AM with a very sore head, a screaming wrist and such a sore knee that I wanted to cry!
but after those first few moments of waking and taking inventory of how my body was feeling
I had the strongest urge & need to get to my desk...
so I could sit and bask and relax within all my colours.
 
A knee that dislocates at the drop of a hat and which throbs every single day...
the really shitty and horrible chronic & acute migraines and headaches...
the repetitive stress disorder and insistent pain of my working wrist...
the shortened muscle in my shoulder that leads to a sensation of being stabbed over & over again...
the wrong curvature of my upper spine that leads to discomfort...
the giddy up in my hip...
the arthritis in my neck...
It all leads me to colour like a horse to water.
 
Colour...bright and pure and joyful...unbridled...uplifting...vibrant...transporting!
I just NEED it.
I rely on it, body & soul, because of the drudgery of all this pain...
and well, I just LOVE that despite the negative,
I have this amazing escape that no one can take away.
Colour saves me, it pulls me out of the negativity!
Even if sometimes the pain keeps me away from it for long periods...
when I get back to it the comfort is not one iota less.
Colour...
it's always there patiently waiting for me,
ready to engulf & lift me...waiting to soothe and embrace
and I love love love that.
 
XO

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