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Monday, November 28, 2016

Getting Up & Pretending

Okay so the first post that I write after I lose a bunny is always hard for me...
I think because it feels so normal
and when I grieve, I fight against anything normal.
Normal just feels so so wrong, especially when it feels like the whole world
should come to a complete abrupt halt to mourn the loss of a shining light.
It's hard for me, knowing that everyone out there but my honey sees this light as just a rabbit.
Most people think I overreact the loss of 'just a pet'...
It's hard that no one but my honey knows how special she was or how brightly she shone.
I can't make anyone understand that I am not mourning the loss of just a pet,
she wasn't a pet...she was my baby, my best friend, my sunshine...a soul mate.
I grieve for her as strongly as I do for any person that I've lost...
because she was larger and more positive in my life than a lot of people!
But all that being said, I feel like more than all the buns before, in over 20 years of being a bun mom,
I have to make my sunshine girl proud and I have to be strong...
which means to stop sleeping so much, to start eating...
to get up and take care of my hon & the other buns,
to get back into the studios even if I don't want to, to get back to my physio, to watch less tv!
So in that vein I am going to start blogging again because
blogging for me means focusing on the beautiful and positive
and once again, life cruelly shows how sudden and quick this life can be over for no reason at all.
We are still physically completely exhausted from the impossibly hard week that she was sick
But I know my girl, she'd want me to focus on the good
So even if I feel hollowed out...I am going to get up...I am going to try...
I am going to pretend that I am doing okay until I actually am!


Natascha Rieper said...

That sounds like a good plan and a great way to move forward. even if you have to fake it until you make it it's a step in the right direction.

Denice said...

Being a Bun Mom takes a special kind of love and makes it even harder to let go I think. It's their complete trust that makes it different. She was better for having you to love her as are you from receiving her love in return. Take comfort in those small thoughts and create a beautiful something to honor her life & love! Peace & healing to you.